A month and a half off the mat and I feel I've fallen a year and a half behind. Of course it's not the longest break I've taken from my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training; I can't even say for sure what the longest break was, though I think around eight months. Still, the break was long enough for me to feel as though I've significantly regressed in my training. Though to be honest, I'd say most of my training has been more regression than progression. For every week I've shown up, I've taken about a month off (as a rough guesstimate). So after over four and a half years of enrollment at the same academy, Anchorage Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I have but two stripes on my white belt. Meaning at best I'm halfway away from getting my blue belt (which, from much of what I've read/heard, is when you really begin to learn BJJ), but more likely I'm a little behind that. And for the most part, I'm ok with that; if being a blue belt mattered that much to me I would've kept coming to class and not taking breaks for so long and so often.
But I won't lie, there is some frustration. I've watched people that started well after me progress much further and while I'm happy for them, I find it often makes me mad at myself. Here's an activity that I really do love, yet I constantly let my laziness get the better of me and instead of training I find myself sitting on the couch playing video games. I've let this happen time and again despite knowing better - the worst session of BJJ has by far left me feeling better than the best session of playing video games. Worse than feeling I'm falling behind my peers though is that feeling of regression. Even though there's two stripes on my belt, I feel my skill level is more comparable to someone with one stripe (if even that). I think the only thing that often keeps me from getting manhandled by the other white belts I roll with is that I'm relatively strong and able to muscle out of many submissions instead of using technique to escape the submission.
One of the awesome things about BJJ is that you're always learning, especially at the beginning. But without regular practice, like most things, I won't retain that information. This doesn't only pertain to mentally knowing what to do, but also my body's ability to do it. There's been many times after a long break where I know what I'm supposed to do when in a certain position, but when I go to do it my body does not cooperate. At best it looks like I'm having a seizure, but usually I just end up in a very bad position cursing myself for ever taking such a break from going to class. In fact, it's knowing that this will happen that has often made my breaks last even longer and a couple times I've contemplated just quitting altogether.
Anyways, I've been back for a few classes after the month and a half break previously mentioned. And as usual, it's both sucked and felt great. It's great to be back doing something I love, but it sucks feeling so much further behind than where I know I could be (especially since this was one of my shorter breaks). But if I've learned anything, it's just to take things one day at a time. My one goal for now is just showing up, each and every day I'm able. And for the foreseeable future, this will remain the goal.
(Note: This was originally posted to my Facebook account on March 9, 2016. I'm reposting it here to start off a new blog (as though the world needs another one) following my progression, or lack there of, in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu).
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