After a couple months of consistent 3-4 times a week attendance, I only made it to one class last week. I got injured in that class and that injury, though I didn't know what it was at the time, kept me off the mats the rest of the week. Turned out the injury was a bruised ego. It was a big bruise too, the type that give you a slight limp and turn all sorts of nasty colors while healing.
Like I said, I'd been making it 3-4 times a week. The thing that was weird about that was I began to feel I was improving (crazy how that works) and suddenly noticed that while I still sucked vs most people that have been going awhile, I was able to instill my own game plan vs the newer guys. I'm not gonna lie, that felt great. So there I was this Tuesday evening, rolling with a guy I'd had no problems dealing with a couple times before, when out of nowhere, he taps me. I couldn't believe it! This little no stripe white belt that I've tapped every time we've rolled just tapped me. It wasn't fair; I have two stripes for God's sake! Unless you've got the same or more, or a colored belt, or years of wrestling experience, you have no right forcing me to tap! Needless to say (but I'll say it anyways), I did not feel I had a good session that evening.
All I could think about for the next few days, at least when it came to BJJ, was that tap. I just couldn't figure out how he got my arm and then got it straight. And because of that, I avoided going to class the rest of the week; no way I was going to risk that kind of crap happening again - may as well be a training dummy if no stripe white belts can tap me. Of course, I didn't admit to myself that was the reason I was skipping class. I had good reasons, like the season finale of Big Bang Theory and a bunch of beer in my fridge that just wasn't going to drink itself.
Obviously, watching sitcoms and drinking beer has not helped my jiu jitsu to improve any. But the really strange thing is neither has nursing my wounded pride or dwelling on the whole thing. I also found it strange that no news outlet has reported this specific tap happening. Sure, it was just a couple white belts rolling during an average middle of the week BJJ class and no one else in the world would know about it but him and I had I not chosen to write about (and chances are he's already forgotten about it), but it still seems like it should be newsworthy. I'm not saying a headline by any means, but like some small story somewhere between local sports and the obituaries.
Alas, that is not to be the case though. And after some serious consideration, I think I figured out why: it doesn't matter. If anything, I should be happy for Josh (or Joe or Bob or whatever his name is; so hard to keep track of all the new people these days) - him recognizing the opportunity for the armbar and pulling it off is a sign he's been paying a lot of attention in his short time there, probably better attention than I've been giving things. But other than that, it's just something that happens. It's gonna happen again, probably more than I like, that's the nature of combat sports. And outside of me and my pride, nobody cares
A phrase I've read many a time in regards to jiu jitsu is "leave your ego at the door." I guess if nothing else, I think I'm starting to learn what that means. It sounds simple and for a while it seemed easy to me, but that's when everyone beating me up was the people I expected to be beating me up; turns out it's a whole other thing when it's someone you were confident you'd be beating up.
With that being said, I think the injury has finally healed up enough that I can get back on the mats this week and I can't wait to do so (though I have a feeling the first couple sessions will have me regretting that beer I drank).
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