I've developed a really bad habit in my jiu jitsu "career" (aside from my habit of horrible attendance): I rarely (and I mean very rarely) ever take chances on anything that I don't consider a sure thing. (It's also a bad habit I've developed in my life in general, but that's not really meant for this blog). What I mean by this is that I rarely go for submissions or sweeps unless I'm almost positive I'm going to get it. And I think there's actually two reasons for this.
Reason one is that I don't want to mess up and find myself in a bad position. Which is stupid cause doing nothing often leads to me ending up in a bad position just the same. Yet I find myself thinking I'd rather stall someone from passing my guard for as long as possible rather than attempt a technique that might have them passing my guard all the sooner. The result is I'm not learning what works and what doesn't work (for me) at a rate that I feel I should be.
Reason two is I'm somehow worried someone will be watching and I'll screw up horribly and look like an idiot. I'm a white belt; that's the best time to look like an idiot! I've never heard someone say something like, "Did you see that sloppy triangle that white belt attempted? Can't believe that noob even bothered showing up." Even if I've been a white belt for nearly eight years and I've got four stripes, I'm still at the stage where screwing up constantly is to be expected. This is the time to look stupid, not worry about it, and keep trying.
So my goal these days (besides just showing up) is to start taking more chances (in BJJ; life in general will have to wait). I know I'm going to screw up, I know I'm going to end up in bad positions, and I know I'm going to end up all the more sore for it; but this is the time for that. Because the last thing I want is to be a nearly nine year white belt with five stripes and still attempting sloppy triangles.
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