Back. Again. For Now.

I've heard a lot of people say the hardest thing in jiu jitsu is just showing up for that first class. I disagree. It's much harder going back after a long break, especially one in which you were just out being a tard; all sense of being healthy and all thoughts about BJJ forgotten. There's a huge sense of I-just-might-poop-myself-nervousness that comes with going back and knowing that you don't know what you know you should know. Thankfully (yet again), I did go back. And I did remember how to tie my belt. Though I noticed the tails on it seem to have gotten much shorter in my absence.
I made it to one class in that same week after my last entry. I made it to two classes the week after that. And I've made it to three classes this week (unfortunately, I won't be making any more as Fridays are no-gi days and I don't fit into any of my no-gi shorts at the moment. And Saturday I have plans to go hiking).
As it's been every other time, it feels good to be back. And it feels like crap, physically and mentally. Worse than the sore muscles trying to get re-used to being used is that nagging voice in my head telling me I wouldn't be going through this again if I'd only kept showing up. That being said, I'm doing my best to ignore the voice this time around. In the past, I'd always tried to use that voice as motivation to keep showing up. Obviously that hasn't worked out so well.
This time around I'm going to try and focus on taking things one day at a time. I still hope to make it to class more often than not, but I don't want to worry about how my week will go. If I can make it to class, I go. If I can't, I don't beat myself up about it. One of the worst habits I have is mentally berating myself for missing class and that tends to send me into a downward spiral where I eat like crap for the day and then feel like crap the next day, which causes me to miss class again and the cycle just goes on and on. And I really want to avoid that this time around.
So I'm going to do my best to take each day as it comes. At least for awhile.